Short story - After a while, he let me call. Again, I climbed the stairs with apprehension. I entered the rooms designated Ensim. The guard took me to the study. He stood at the window and read. He finished reading and then turned to look at me.

"How is the patient doing?" He asked, but it was obvious that this was not the main purpose of the upcoming conversation.

I briefly introduced him to Lu.Gala's improving status and added that my services are no longer needed. He listened, silent, nodding his head. Her eyes went empty, and I remembered the grandfather and her gaze before they sent me to Zikkurat Ana.

"I found out something, Subhad. Sit down, please. ”He pointed to where I should sit. "I received a message from Ensi of An's temple. He doesn't know who has the same qualities as you. He doesn't know about anyone like that. But you were accepted on the basis of Lu.Gal's intercession from Gab.kur.ra, "he paused. You could see him gathering strength for what he would say next: "Most likely, Subhad, the man was your grandfather."

It took my breath away. The truth is, the grandmother never talked about her daughter's father. Suddenly I realized why she was out of the house when the man visited us. If he had the same abilities as me, then it must have been him who stopped the struggle of thought in the Temple of Ana. I was silent. I was thinking about what I don't really know about my family. I never thought about why both women live without men. I'll have to ask when I get home again. Home - the word suddenly hurt with longing.

Ensi was watching me. He ended our silence: "Lu.Gal informed me that you were interested in Urti.Mashmash. Maybe I have something for you, ”he said, motioning for me to go with him. He opened the shelves with the tables and a staircase appeared behind them. He smiled at my surprise and added, "It's faster this way, but don't mention it to anyone." He took the light and we went downstairs. We were silent. Ensi out of consideration and I… I have not yet been able to properly concentrate my thoughts on anything other than the information I received a moment ago about a man named Gab.kur.ra. We reached the next door. Metal door with a crescent sign. Ensi opened and turned on the lights inside.

We stood in huge spaces under the ziggurat. In rooms full of tables, statues and devices. Each room was divided by a heavy metal door, the same as at the entrance. I looked around and was amazed.

"Archive," Ensi said succinctly, leading me through the rooms. Then we stopped. "Here it is." The door was adorned with Enki's insignia. "Here you can find what you're looking for," he said, smiling. Then he became serious. "Shubad, what is hidden here is hidden from human sight. It is forbidden to spread the knowledge hidden here further. Don't ask why, I don't know. We're just stewards. ”The room was crowded with tables in ancestral language. An amazing wealth lay before me - knowledge gathered over many centuries. I went through the lists and forgot that there was a lot at Ensi.

"Shabad ..." He leaned over me and laid my hand on my shoulder. I had to be so engaged in the lists that I did not hear it.

"Excuse me, big Ensi. I did not listen. I'm overwhelmed by the number of tables that are kept here. I apologize again."

He laughed. There was kindness and amusement in his eyes. "It simply came to our notice then. Come on, I'll show you more entrances to the underground so you don't have to ask for the chief librarian's entry every time you need something. But please be careful. The tables are very old and others are not allowed down here. "

So I went into the underground archive and looked. The older the tables were, the more interesting. They revealed secrets. As if people have forgotten - the original meaning of words and knowledge gathered over many centuries, maybe even millennia, was lost. They were new, but the old one ceased to be used, and the craft was deprived of what could be used and found once again what was once a matter of course.

We often discussed this with Lu.Gal. I appreciated his favor and the wisdom with which he approached every problem. I found old tables down there. So old that even Lu.Gal was not enough to read these old records. There were only a few men in Erid who knew long-dead speech and long-forgotten writing. One of them was Ensi, but I was afraid to ask for help. I tried to learn what I could, but without proper knowledge I had little chance of handling the translation the way I needed it. The world of myths, the world of old words, old knowledge - sometimes and unbelievable, was moving away from me.

I also found many recipes used by old A.zhu, but the correct determination of plants or minerals could not be determined without proper knowledge of speech. Finally, I asked Sina for help. His talent for languages ​​could speed up the whole thing. Unfortunately, he did not even know the advice.

He never asked where the tables I was bringing were from. He never asked where I was going for days. And he never grumbled when I needed help with something. But he, too, was short on old manuscripts.

Finally, Lu.Gal and I discussed the possibility of asking for Ensi's advice. He thought it was a good idea and made an appointment with him. Ensi was not against it - on the contrary, he first arranged lessons for me at old Ummia from E. dubby - the house of tablets that taught me the basics of the old language. He helped me with the translations himself. That brought us closer. It got very close.

In my sparse and short free time, I thought about a man from Gab.kur.ra, but I kept postponing my letter to my grandmother. I was reassured that it would be better to talk to her about it in person when I went home. Fate has determined something else for me. The war began.

I sat in Lu.Gal's room and read him some translations. Here and there we talked about some passages. These were pleasant moments, though not as frequent as we both would like. In this moment of peace and quiet, the fog reappeared before my eyes. An's ziggurat screamed in pain. A tunnel appeared in front of me, through which people were walking. People I knew and didn't know. Among them is Ninnamaren. There was no peace and reconciliation in their expressions, but fear. Massive, painful fear. The horror from which my goosebumps jumped. Ninnamaren tried to tell me something, but I didn't understand. My mouth uttered words I didn't hear. I screamed. Then it was dark.

When I woke up, both Ensi and Lu.Gal were standing over me. Both scared. I had to shout out loud this time. The servant brought water and I drank it greedily. My mouth was dry and the smell of burns nestled in my nose. They were both silent. Unable to speak, they watched and waited for me to speak. All I said was, "War." I found myself on the edge of the tunnel again. Grandmother. "No, not Grandma!" I shouted in my mind. The pain took up all parts of my body and soul. I escorted her to the middle of the tunnel. She looked back. Sadness in her eyes, a faint smile on my face for me, "Run, Subhad," her lips said. Then everything disappeared.

"Please," I heard Ensi's voice. "Get over!" My tears fell on my face. I was lying on Lu.Gala's bed. Ensi held my hand and Lu.Gal took over the messenger at the door.

"War," I said softly. "Flee. We must be gone. "My head was spinning. I tried to sit on my bed, but my body was still tiny. I held my head against Ensim's shoulder. I could not cry. My conscience refused to accept a report on the death of my grandmother, about the deaths of people in the city where I was born and spent my childhood. I knew we had to get away. Whenever war began, they attacked the temples first. There was gathered all the wealth of the city. Zikkurat's representatives were mercilessly killed to make the action worse.

Lu.Gal quietly approached us. He touched Ensi lightly. He was slightly embarrassed by the scene he saw, but did not comment on it. He looked at me apologetically and said, "Not now. The Council needs to be convened. The temple needs to be cleared. ”Ensi's grip eased. He gently laid me back on the bed. "Go," Lu.Gal said, "I sent for Sina." He sat down on the bed next to me and grabbed my hand. He was silent. There was fear in his eyes. I tried to stop the feelings that came to me. It exhausted me. Then Sin entered. He came up to me. He didn't ask anything. He unpacked his medical bag. "You must sleep, Subhad," he said when he saw me. "I'll have you transferred."

Lu.Gal shook his head, "Leave her here, please. It's safer. Stay with her. I have to go now. "

He gave me a drink. My hands shook as I tried to hold the bowl. He took the spoon, lifted my head and gave me a drink in small doses: "What happened, Sabad?" He asked.

"War. War has started with us. "He faded. He knew it was only a matter of time before the soldiers arrived in Erid. He knew what was going to happen.

"Who?" He asked, and I, half asleep, replied, "I don't know, I really don't know."

I woke up suddenly. Something pulled me out of the arms of the dream. Above me was the underground ceiling and Sina's face.

"Finally," he said. "I was beginning to get scared." There were walls from the corner, and the feeling behind his neck grew stronger and stronger. I sat up sharply. I had to sleep long. I was weak. My lips were cracked with thirst or fever, but the feelings of death came with unusual force. Sin helped me to my feet and escorted me to him.

“Ensi! My beloved Ensi, ”I shouted inside. As life left his body, his child grew in me. I took his head in my hands and tried to think about the moments we had together. I thought of the Sun, the water in the canal rippled by the wind, the moments spent in the archives, the moments when our hands intertwined. The tunnel has opened…

I slowly closed his dead eyes. Sin hugged me and I was crying the streams of tears. He consoled me like a small child. Then he started singing the song. The song his father sang when his mother died.

"He didn't want to leave without you," he told me. "He sent them all away and stayed. He hid us underground and defended our hideout to the last. I found him late - too late to save him. "

We ran through the underground roads. "Go to Gab.kur.ra," Ensi said, and so we tried to get underground with a soldier beside the city. The healer's clothing that Sin has set up will provide us with sufficient protection. There are people everywhere and healers are needed everywhere. We had hope.

I was recovering quickly after three weeks of fever. The only thing that worried me was morning sickness. I tried to hide my state from Sina, although I knew in advance that it was in vain.

The journey became more difficult and difficult. We walked through the landscape of sand and stones. In the evening and in the morning we could go, but in the afternoon the heat was too big and so we tried to find some shelter from the sun.

Sometimes we came across nomadic tribes of people from the mountains or deserts. They were mostly friendly to us. We repaid their help with our art. We didn't stay anywhere for a long time.

I suffered heavy pregnancy. Sin did not say anything, but it was obvious he was worried. Finally we went to the county where, as we hoped, we would rest for a while. The soil here was quite fertile and enough settlements around the river ensured that we would not die of hunger and that work here would be enough for us.

We rented part of the house on the outskirts of the settlement. At first, people around us watched in disbelief. They didn't like foreigners. There was tension and resentment inside the settlement. Everyone watched over each other and thus gradually became a prisoner and a guard at the same time. Words, gestures hurt, instead of bringing them closer. Hostility and fear, suspicion - all affected their lives and their health.

In the end, it was again a disease that forced them to tolerate us there. Human pain is everywhere the same. Whether it is body pain or soul pain.

"We need to talk, Subhad," he said one morning. I've been waiting for this conversation for a long time. I was waiting for her with apprehension. I was making breakfast, so I just looked at him and nodded.

"You have to decide," he said.

I knew we couldn't stay here long. We were not in danger here, but the climate in the settlement was not favorable and it exhausted us both. We too began to feel that each of our steps was being watched, each gesture being judged with the utmost rigor. Not enough was enough - a patient who could no longer be cured, and who knows what could happen. Our goal was far away. We have a long and difficult journey ahead of us. My pregnancy did not go smoothly and I did not know if I could provide the child with at least minimal conditions on the road.

I knew I had to make a decision. I knew that long ago, but I kept postponing my decision. The child was the only thing that left me behind Ensim - in fact, the only thing left to me if I did not count on Sina. I did not know if Ellit lived. I did not know if the one who is perhaps my grandfather lives. We did not know what was waiting for us on the road, and the hope that we could find a place where we could settle for a long time was minimal. I had to make a quick decision. The longer the pregnancy took, the greater the risk.

Sin put his hand on mine. "Stay at home today, be calm. I will stop working for both of us. "He smiled. It was a sad smile.

I went out in front of the house and sat down under the trees. My mind told me it was not the time to bring a child into the world, but everything inside resisted. I leaned my head against a tree and wondered how to get out of this situation. War, killing, destruction. After that will come a time when the old will be forgotten - knowledge concentrated for many centuries, knowledge and experience will slowly disappear and everything that will exceed their previous experience will be viewed with suspicion. With each war comes a period of ignorance. Forces are being thwarted instead of creation for destruction and defense. Fear and suspicion, guarding oneself and others - the world will begin to resemble this settlement. No, it was not a good time to give birth to a child.

Yet everything in me resisted this mental conclusion. It's a child - his child. Man, a human being who should be robbed of his life. The healer's job was to save lives and not destroy them. I couldn't make a decision and I had to make a decision. Then there was Sin. At that moment, my life was connected to his. My decision will also affect his life. I put my hands on my stomach. "You always have the opportunity to explore your emotions," Lu.Gal told me.

Cold began to rise around his spine. The child knew what was going on inside me and fought back with fear. He called and begged. Then everything began to sink into the familiar fog and I saw my daughter and her daughter and the daughter of their daughters. The abilities they had were both a curse and a blessing. Some of them stood on the border and the flames consumed their bodies. Words of condemnation, words of misunderstanding, words of judgment and conviction. The words that killed. "Witch."

I didn't know the word - but it scared me. I saw the eyes of those who were helped by the hands of my descendants - a look full of fear that changed with relief. Even the glances of those whose own fear provoked a storm of condemnation and led to cruelty. My own fear mingled with joy, my own terror terrified with determination. I put my hands on the ground. The earth calmed down. Even this experience did not help me decide. It only reinforced the feeling that I didn't have - despite everything I've seen - the right to kill.

My own life was full of confusion and suffering that my abilities caused. There was no Ellit joy in me, nor my great-grandmother's strength, but I still lived and wanted to live. So I decided. I had no right to keep Sina with me and reduce his chances of reaching the goal. And I had no right to take an unborn life. It will be called Chul.Ti - a happy life. Maybe her name would give her the joy of Ellit, and life would be more bearable for her.

Tired and exhausted, Sin returned in the evening. He didn't insist on telling him how I decided. When he finally looked at me, I saw guilt in his eyes. The guilt of forcing me to decide he was causing me pain. Fear settled in his brown eyes, sometimes full of joy.

"His name will be Chul.Ti," I told him. "I'm sorry, Sine, but I couldn't decide otherwise. It's dangerous to stay with me, so maybe it would be wiser for you to be alone in Gab.kur.ra. ”He smiled, and at that moment I understood how difficult it would be for him to take his life.

"Perhaps it would be more sensible," he replied, thinking, "but we started this path together and finished it together. Maybe Chul. It will add a little joy to our lives and bring us happiness. You gave her a beautiful name. "He laughed. "You know, I'm glad you decided the way you decided. I really love it. But we can not stay here. We have to move on fast. We have to find a more convenient place to bring it to this world. Gab.kur.ra is still too far away. "

We bought a carriage so that we could take with us the medicines we made, tools and instruments, basic equipment and supplies for the trip. Our equipment also included new tables, which we wrote down in the evenings, so that the acquired knowledge would not be forgotten, so that the knowledge could be further developed.

We continued on our way in silence. I asked myself if Sin did not regret the decision to share my fate with me, but I could not ask him directly.

The journey did not go as fast as we wanted - partly through my pregnancy. The country we walked was more diverse than at home and full of obstacles. Because of the animals we had to choose a way to give them enough food. Settlement here was sparse, and so we often did not even live for a whole day.

Eventually we arrived at a small settlement. Reed huts reinforced with clay stood in a circle. A woman ran to meet us, gesturing to hurry. We reached the settlement. Sin dismounted, grabbed his medicine bag, and ran to the hut the woman was pointing to. Then she helped me down. I wanted to follow Sina, but the woman stopped me. The gestures indicated that it was not advisable to enter the hut.

Sin came out and called me. The men of the settlement tried to stand in my way. This was not a good start. Sin tried to tell them something in their speech, but it was clear from them that he did not understand.

A horse rider seemed to be approaching us. He was galloping. He dismounted, inspected the situation, listened to the angry voices of the men, and turned to Sin, "Why do you want the woman to enter the men's house?" He asked in a language we understood.

"She's a healer," Sin said, "and I need help if I'm to save the life of the sick man."

"There is no habit of women attending a place reserved for men," the driver replied, looking at me with distrust.

Sin was flushing with indignation and exasperation. I signaled his hand to calm down before he could say more words.

"Look," he told him, taking the man by the elbow and leading him aside. "The man is seriously ill so that I can treat him, I will need not only her help, but also the help of others. There is not much time left. It needs surgery and it must be performed in a clean environment. Are men able to clean up and prepare the space for us to do our job, or are we supposed to transfer men elsewhere? ”

The man thought, then said a few words to those standing around in their tongues. The men of the settlement parted, and the rider motioned for me to enter. He came with us. The space inside was large but dark. The man lay on the mat, moaning. He had sweat on his forehead. Cold began to rise down my spine, and a familiar pain appeared in my lower abdomen. I looked at Sina and nodded. He turned to the rider and explained what would follow if the man was to recover. He listened intently.

I inspected the room. She was not suitable for surgery. The floor was clay and it was dark. We needed a table, water, clean cloth. I approached the man. He suffered. The pain plagued him, and he gritted his teeth, clenched. It exhausted him. I unpacked my bag and pulled out a medicine to relieve the pain. I gave him a drink and took his head in my hands. He didn't even have the strength to protest anymore. The rider paused and looked at me suspiciously. I closed my eyes, relaxed, and tried to recall the image of calm, the waves crashing against the sea, a fresh breeze that swayed slightly from the treetops. The man calmed down and began to fall asleep.

The rider came out and began giving orders to the people of the settlement. They carried the men out, sprinkled water on the floor and swept them. They brought the tables, which they knocked together and cleaned. Sim was preparing tools. The patient slept.

Then an old man entered. He entered quietly. I stood with my back to him, preparing everything I needed. A feeling nestled behind the back of my neck that made me turn, so I turned to see him. There was no anger or indignation in his eyes, only curiosity. Then he turned, walked out of the hut, and called for a rider. They came back together. They passed Sina and came to me. I got scared. Fear that there will be further complications regarding my presence. The old man bowed and said a few sentences.

"He says he'd like to help," the rider said. "He is a local healer and has plants that speed wound healing and prevent inflammation. She apologizes, madam for interrupting, but she thinks she can be helpful. "

Sin stopped working and took turns watching the old man and me. I also bowed and asked the man to explain the effect of the plants and their extracts. I thanked him for the help offered and asked him to stay. I was surprised that he was turning to me, but I didn't comment. The rider was translating. If his medications could do what the old man was talking about, they could help us a lot. Sin asked the old man to prepare what he knew was appropriate.

They brought men. I ordered him undressed. The men looked suspiciously, but eventually carried out the order. I started washing the man's body with the prepared water with the solution. The old man prepared his medication, and Sin indicated which part of the body to use it on. The operation has begun. Sin worked quickly and with his own virtuosity. The rider stood at the entrance to prevent the curious from entering and to translate. He faded, but held on.

The patient's emotions attacked me. My body screamed in pain, and I struggled to stay conscious. Then the old man did something I didn't expect. He cleaned his hands in the water with the solution, put his palm on my forehead. He took a breath and slowly began to purge air through his nose. My feelings began to weaken. I felt emotions, but I didn't feel the man's pain as my own. It was a huge relief. He separated my feelings from the men's invisible wall. We continued.

The old man did not interfere-on the contrary, he assisted Sino as an experienced surgeon. Before he used his medication, Sina always asked. We ended up closing the man's stomach, applying the old-fashioned extract that was supposed to speed up the healing of wounds and tie him up. I began to paint my body with an oil cure, which was meant to strengthen the man's power and keep him for a while in his sleep. My eyes hurt. Both men's eyes were reddened by fatigue.

The rider at the entrance was still pale. His presence during the operation sent him away. I walked over to him, took his hand, and led him out. I put him under a tree. I put my hands, as always, behind the nape of my neck and in a circular motion, accompanied by incantations, soothing him and putting him to sleep. The old man came out of the hut and gave orders. They set to work. Then he came to me and motioned for me to go with him. I saw relief in the men's gaze. I didn't understand, but I followed the instructions he was giving me.

He led me to the edge of the village to a hut that deviated from the circle. A boy a little younger than Sin came out to meet him. His right leg was deformed. Kulhal. I was seated outside and the boy disappeared into the village. When he returned, his arms were full of flowers. He disappeared into the hut. The old man was sitting next to me. It radiated calm and serenity. The young man came out and nodded. The old man motioned for me to stay seated and go inside. He urged me to enter for a moment.

In the center of the hut was a circle of plants the boy had brought, lamps lit in the corners, giving off an intoxicating scent. He instructed me to undress. I blushed in embarrassment. He smiled and sent the young man away. He turned his back on me himself. I took off my clothes and stood there naked, with a bloated belly in which my baby grew. The old man turned and motioned for me to enter the circle. His mouth uttered melodic words and his hands gently touched my body. He painted figures on my skin with water. I did not understand. I didn't know the ritual he was performing, but I respected it. I trusted the man and felt safe in his presence.

Performed the ceremony of purification. I was a woman who came into the territory of men, so I must be cleansed, just as the hut I had entered was cleaned. The energy must not be mixed.

The boy brought the dress. The dress worn by the women in the settlement. He placed them in a circle next to me and the two men left so I could get dressed.

I went out. Sin stood in front of the entrance, talking quietly to the rider. He turned to me, "We will stay here, Subhad."

The old man and the boy performed a cleansing ceremony at the men's house. I was tired and weak. Maybe it was the intoxicating scent of the lamps in the tent. My eyes were still swollen. Sin looked at the rider, grabbed me by the arm and led me to the hut. He came in with me, where an old woman was waiting for us. They put me on a mat. Sin leaned toward me. We're safe here. ”They both left the tent, and I fell asleep tired.