Weekly talks with a chair10730x 09. 10. 2019 1 Reader
Certainly it was late evening. But not on the first of May, but about half of November and Monday. As usual, after the all-day hustle and bustle, I settled down on the sofa and stretched my legs to ease my knees and ankles. I had a book and a glass of drink ready, and a lit lamp highlighted the warm intimacy of the evening. Before I could open the book on a page carefully set up by a tram ticket, my mind about the chair standing on the other side of the coffee table was disturbing. Nobody was sitting in the chair at that moment, and even nothing was floating on it. You just stood there.
Of course she still stands there, but now she somehow provoked me with her emptiness and visible uselessness. Maybe I was a little sorry for why he had no program, no fulfillment. This reminded me of my own destiny, so I addressed her:
"So who do we put a girl on you so you don't look as annoyed here as you are unnecessary and pushed away." The chair didn't respond, which I basically expected. But then it suddenly seemed to me that she was just thinking about it, and after a while she seemed to say to me in a silent velvet alto:
"Well, if you want to put someone like me on the day before yesterday, I'd rather stay abandoned."
To explain. That was last Saturday and I had a ladies visit. Well, there was basically nothing serious, but you know, one of them is very sad and occasionally staying with someone is quite nice. In my case it stayed and pleasant kind of related to women. Not that I have no friends, but my friends are not suitable for healing the snot. Well, ladies' visit. She was a cousin of one of my business colleagues. She introduced us somewhere, the word gave the word and occasionally we saw each other. Until Saturday, however, always in public places. About a week before that visit, because of the lack of another opportunity, I told myself that I could invite her to find out what was in it. If "with all the trouble", I did not solve it, but I think it did not rule out.
She had to wear her chair for a good part of the evening and apparently wasn't happy about it. I had my opinion on the event, but I was also interested in another opinion. I say:
"Not seen, the girl was a little heavier, but if I sit on you, it is a lot more onslaught, don't you think?" And again the pleasant alto sounded in my head:
“Weight is not the worst friend on people, you might already know. You know, however, that a perfect figure, a face or a combed hair is not yet a nice girl. You've already tried it a long time ago, aren't you? ”So I must admit she was right. (Later I found out that my chair was almost always right.) At that moment, the image of the few girls that had crossed my path in one way or another in my last years, and I had to admit that the strikingly beautiful was mostly unsatisfactory. Not all, and certainly not the same, but it was somewhat more problematic (but it was also no statistically significant sample).
In order not to owe the answer, I responded as quickly as possible: “Of course you are right. It's just that the skinny ones scare me a little. And at all, a girl does not have to be all sweet - that is, clean and neat, yeah - and if she is also a friend and is not only interested in herself and TO, and can talk to her and keep silent and one interest, so much detail it doesn't matter. ”
"Then why did you bring and put Alice on top of me? You could easily explain that outside. ”This time her alto was somewhat less velvety. But the problem would be just that. Outside, nothing was known. The conversation went as if it were butter, but still just “on the surface”. Only in private could anything show. And it showed.
“You understand that,” I say, “it was here that she showed herself to criticize my household, as if on command. And now I realized, but you did not go unqualified - you are too hard and you have an inappropriate cover. Cha! Isn't that the real reason for your dissatisfaction with her? ”About the way the lady was going to get me on the very first evening, I didn't want to talk too much with the chair. But my digging lowered the floodgates:
“Don't tell me, I saw her thrown at you, and you almost ran to the balcony. And you didn't even offer her the desserts you had in the fridge. You finally called her a cab and sent her home. So you can't make excuses for me. ”
“Oh, hell. I guess I won't apologize for my own chair.
“Of course, what would you apologize to me, for I am just a piece of wood and a cloth. So don't bother. But…. you could. ”The alt in my head sounded beautiful velvety again. I can see that my chair cares about me. She makes sure I don't fly any, and she likes to be nice to her. It's very nice. But - you can't replace a woman with a chair. Does not matter. When I bring one again, he will have to sit down in a chair. And I'll be taken care of.
I admit that on Tuesday I was wondering if I would have a good time to talk to the chair again. During the day, of course, I could not discuss it much - there was no time or environment. But that kind of partnership feeling pleased me. At the same time, I made sure that this was definitely not any form of incipient schizophrenia - I am not leaving my personality, I just hear (feel) reactions to my problems and experiences elsewhere.
It was Tuesday evening and I proceeded in the same way as yesterday to bring about the right situation. I have prepared the book for all cases (others of course). I just settled in and looked around, remembering Alice again. Not that I originally planned it, but it did. I was somewhat amazed that I thought of her much more amicably today. So I kind of proclaimed into the space:
“But we washed that Alice yesterday. Maybe she didn't deserve it so much. ”I fell silent, expecting a reaction. Nothing for quite a while. And then resonance:
“You have to think about what you expect from a boy. Of course, no cat is as black as it looks. Maybe she would eventually be a rain friend. But ... what is her way? And how long would you stay in that boss embrace? A moment or until…. ”
“Yeah, it's just hard. It is probably just by reason also can not decide. Dad used to say that he had to take a little risk to get married. If he wanted everything thought and insured, he probably wouldn't do it at all. ”Dad, it was said and advised when he had all the troubles and decisions behind him. I think he and my mom turned out pretty well - rather well. To not feel too much selfish, I added generously: "One should also consider how much the win is for a future partner."
In order to put an end to the topic, I asked just empty: “Should I not invite Alice again? Maybe we both took it to the wrong end. This misunderstanding is the most common guide to interpersonal relationships. That's what they say, isn't it? ”
The response was just such a growl: "You think you're the boss here." That didn't help me much, but surprisingly, it hastened my decision. It was true again. No one can make that decision for me. And when making decisions so quickly. I took my feet off the couch, went for my cell phone and dialed Alice's number. She quite surprised me by taking it.
That evening I wasn't debating the chair anymore. I was so pleased that Ali accepted my invitation after all, that I was already looking forward to the next Saturday. "Well, at last I can read something, too." I sipped from my glass, stretched my legs again, and started to read. I have to say that the chair fully respected my mood. Of course, I admit that I fell asleep at the book after about an hour.
It wasn't a very successful day for me. But it happens more often. However, I got to the evening sitting both late and mainly in a rather depressed mood. I didn't want much of a debate either. As soft as I was, I thought back to my childhood, my parents. I looked into the void, and suddenly I saw my mother sitting in a chair. Not the old one, but the one I remember from my childhood.
My mother died long ago and I don't remember her voice much anymore. So I wasn't surprised that she spoke to me with almost the same alto as the chair yesterday. “So you think Dad had a nice life with me? Well, probably yes. But it wasn't that simple either. When we were getting married, I wanted to have twelve sons as apostles. But your sisters were born, and it passed quickly. Then we had at least one boy and it was you. And when we lived in Prague, a lady from a grammar school where he taught was taking dad. Well, as it really was at that time, I did not learn much later, but it was not clear. He was just a handsome, educated and sociable person, and so there were sometimes annoyances.
“But Mom, I understand that and I don't realize anything. Nor have I ever understood why someone who is already living with someone should go out for the rest of their lives with blinkers. It probably will be a little different, but as it has one to hit, when the search as it is called life partner is not really any big search. What about me? It failed at school. There are female couples at work with children - although not everyone has men - but one still thinks he should have his children. How can anyone say - this and no other - even touch life. He could hardly see or recognize any. Well, it's the same thing about girls. This is still your choice - and how, no one cares. At work? In a bar or a dance? There you can just catch something. Either through the mouth or later… And what guarantee do you have that if you choose, you won't meet another in a few years, which is far more right than a man at home? Sure, there is family responsibility, commitment, gratitude and so on. That is a fact and it is not worth it to downplay or even cough. But it doesn't change anything at all. There is no immunity. I know guys see it easier than they do with their wives. It's old and there's a lot of forums and stories about it. But also tragedy. You know, but I'm not dealing with equality right now, but how to actually understand these things. ”I almost fell exhausted after this outpouring of thoughts that sometimes troubled me, but I still didn't have them arranged.
A low voice said from the chair, “There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. My dad and I had been dating since the Quintet, so we didn't actually have any experience. It also before the war, some more collecting experience socially intolerovala. In the end we lived together long and quite well. But it wasn't a straight path through roses. And it wasn't just my dad who was flying. I also liked a man here and there more than others. Well, fortunately I had three of you, so there was a lot of work to do and you knew quite clearly where they belonged. ”
Although I liked my mother very much, this didn't convince me. I almost growled as I opposed, “This won't help me much. I wouldn't like to run from one to the other either. First, I do not have a figure for it and I probably would not be pleased. You know, Mom, I'm not really trying to figure out how I will be in twenty years, but I need to figure out what's happening to me and can still meet now or in a year or two. I am over thirty years old and I would like to say, settle and start a family. I ask married friends, I am looking for literature, but basically nobody can tell me anything. Everyone talks and writes about responsibility, loyalty, patience, and tolerance. But it seems to me like empty phrases that infuse me because they have nothing to tell me. ”
I caught my breath and continued, “Look, maybe the loyalty. What is it? Not sleeping with another means I'm faithful? Even though I like it, do I think about it and look for it? The guys at work say it doesn't count. I guess she can do it, but what is the truth, if any? It could be the other way around. I will have a woman and she will admire another man, but ... she won't start with him. I will know and what about it, Nothing? Or should I make a joke - when everything goes normal, the family thrives, the household is fine and she actually has nothing to do with it? What is the tolerance? According to the vocabulary, it is the ability to accept other people's behavior, opinions and values. So tolerance in the family is actually a resignation. Or am I wrong? ”I wasn't talking easily, I was looking for words a lot, so I basically looked into the ground. When I finished talking, there was no answer. I lifted my head and realized that the chair was empty.
I don't know who, but I personally like Thursdays. Especially Thursday evening. So Saturday is even a little better, but Thursday just has something in itself. Why? Well, probably because the work week is already well over half and one directly feels like the weekend is coming.
This Thursday he tuned me well because Petr and Ivanka will come to me. He was, is and will be my best friend. We are two from elementary school and have been together for years. We always knew about ourselves, and we knew that if the other person needed something, he would have a stop. And you can trust me that it worked and works today. Well, Peter has a sister, but much younger - almost ten years. When we were boys, it was an uninteresting little kid that interfered with us from time to time. He had a strict mom, so he had to be a caring brother.
The care for Ivanka remained in his adulthood. He already has his family and Ivanka is still with her parents. But he always takes time to do something for his sister, to go somewhere with her, to accompany her at various events and so on. His Helena reconciled to it and finally decided that at least Péťa had no time to shout somewhere, and who knows what to do. Ivanka, of course, is no longer a child, she is about twenty. She goes to some college, but I don't know how she is. A girl is pretty, sweet. Peter would like us to get together. Why, that's pretty clear. Which, I like her both in her visage and in nature. But I feel old next to her, and sometimes I feel like she sees a good uncle in me rather than a man. Well, maybe I dare tonight and at least "put her on a chair." Well, the fact is, I'm looking forward to them. I even cleaned the apartment and prepared some snacks in advance. Petr wants to come straight from work and just come to Ivanka's parents. It is obvious that he cannot afford to come home god knows when.
They finally arrived. Peter is simply Peter, he is always nice and never grieves. For example, he knows that when he comes to me, he should not wear any visitor presentations. He is also always ready to hear my opinions and worries and even give advice. Peter is simply certainty. Of course, Ivanka… I thought I didn't see her for a long time. I guess she can't be said that she grew up, but she was definitely far more feminine again. I did not miss that she had made the most of her wardrobe and had a hard time adjusting the exterior. I don't think she needs it right now, but one is pleased when a girl takes care of her.
Frankly, the course of the visit is not so important. Interestingly, Iva chose the CHAIRS in her room immediately. Most importantly, after about an hour and a half, Peter apologized for some alleged urgent duty and disappeared. He left Ivanka there with the corresponding gentleman's behavior. And so we were alone. In private for the first time. Fortunately, Ivanka did not allow me to show my inability to entertain her this way alone. So we talked for a long time about everything possible and impossible. We were so focused on the debate that we almost pulled midnight. But Iva had time to control, so I managed to escort her to the last metro line.
When I returned home I glanced at the chair. I thought she was waiting for me. I say deliberately slowly and half-mouthed, “So what do you call her, pretty good? But too young. ”
“That's good, so you ask me, and you also tell me how to answer. You're a level discusser. But I have my knowledge! ”
“All right, then leave the bickering and tell me what and how. How do you see her and whether it might even make sense to apply for her. "
“Tell me! That is easy to say, but this is a serious thing. I do not deny that I was intrigued by Iva. That she impressed me. But I won't tell you more today. I have to consider it all. Just wait - tomorrow is day too. ”And it was. I didn't get a word out of her. Of course she was right again. It was a serious thing. Or better - it could be a serious thing. It wanted to tread lightly and not be rash. All right, I can hold it. After all, I also need to level it all in my head. All right, go to sleep!
Like every Friday, on my way out of work, I made the necessary purchases at the mall and ran it home around 6pm. I don't cook much, so making dinner was easy. I also did not expect the visit and I was interested in TV only news. Then I realized that I was just going to get on the sofa and talk about Ivance.
So Ivanka. I thought about her a little at a time. Now was the right one to make it clear. I turned into the space and said across the coffee table: “Ivanka is a problem. I like. I like it very much. But I'm not sure if it's the fact that it's about Peter's sister. Somehow he's not alien. Peter would certainly be in favor, but I still can't imagine how we'll meet and I will tell him I slept with his sister. I think I would be ashamed. Or if we then split up or divorced, how would everything turn out then? The old friendships are fine, but in this respect it's actually a nuisance. It would just have to work with Ivanka. ”
The chair did not report anything, but I thought he was not objecting. If she had her head, she would surely nod.
“On the other hand, it is possible that Iva is worth the risk. That she might have transmitted despite our age difference. But it is also possible that I paint something here and she sees it quite differently. For her, I am just Peter's good friend, and because she likes Peter, she also likes me. But that would probably not be enough to live in a couple. Damn it, and I'm in it again. And I just missed Alice for sure. And I'm not counting on any yet unknown. I almost shouted.
“Well, well, well, you act like you're the only one in the world who solves emotional problems. And it is not even sure that you are really concerned about emotional problems and not just fear of loneliness. You should make that clear first. ”The bitch is right again. She doesn't really bother me. But nobody likes to show him how it really is.
“Well, let's start again. Like how well I know Ivanka and if I can't be without her. I can answer right away. I know her well, but she still surprises me from time to time. But this is normal for women - at least they say. I can be without her. But the more I think of her, I'd rather be with her. Like always. What is the problem? The problem is that I'm scared. What am I afraid of? I fear my age in relation to hers. And I'm afraid I won't hurt her. Should I be afraid? Answer - I can't do anything about that age. As for the possibility of harm, everyone should be afraid of their loved ones. People who love each other usually don't want to hurt themselves. Can harm be completely prevented? Probably not, because one actually doesn't really know what the other is really threatening, and what are these moods. ”Wow, how am I actually?
“Stupid. Actually, you didn't solve anything. Again. You want to be with her forever, like old age or not? If you say you know her well, you could answer. And if not now, within a short time. Ivanka deserves to know how she's doing with you - no matter how she does. This is crucial. You cannot throw your insecurity on your throat to anyone else. ”
Now I got it. But whether I liked it or not, it was the chair again. Of course. If I go to her with the fact that I love her, it must be true. However, if I hesitate for a long time and do nothing like that, she will think that I really take her as my niece, even though we are not relatives. And I will become an “uncle” for her. Brrr!
All right, but with Alice. I repeated aloud, "What to do with Alice?" No response. Well, too. Finally - it's eleven at night. So, in the morning a wiser evening.
I haven't been worth anything since the morning. I had a cell phone in my hand several times to call Alice and make an excuse. Not that I don't want to meet her, but it's too early. I couldn't get a proper opinion on Ivanka. "Damn, there was still no, and now two at a time", I relieved. I didn't even look at the chair - at least there wasn't her time. What if I buzzed her for having movie tickets. Yeah, but then what? Will I send her home? Or will I even accompany her? And what if she invites me on? I'm not talking about it anymore.
Finally, I totally illogically called Ivance. He seemed pleased with that. She asked how I slept with the subway after that evening. Immediately (without asking) she assured me that she couldn't, but if I could take the time tomorrow, she would surely adapt. But if that doesn't work, don't worry about it, she's patient, she's waited more than a year before she can talk to me alone, so she can wait a day. It was a waterfall, so I just jumped into her conversation and reassured her that I would be free tomorrow, and that we could go to lunch somewhere and have a nice afternoon - if her parents could miss her at Sunday lunch.
“It's a hell of course that I can miss me, lunch. But I have to go home for the night. Nothing wrong, just so we don't have to talk. ”I understood that he was counting on me not only in the afternoon, but also in the evening, and that we would probably end up at my house. Of course, that does not mean anything. I quickly promised to stop and hang up for her.
“Well, I really solved it now. Now I fly even more. ”I looked quickly at the chair. They seemed to be having great fun. But actually, why not, according to Ivan's reaction, I can assume that he cares about me. And according to the allusion to the mandatory return home, one could conclude that it was not so bad with my uncle. “All right, Ivanka is doing quite well, but I have to solve this evening. That's the trouble.
“And what if I told Alice the truth. Basically the truth. "The chair could no longer stand and sputtered." I told you to think what you really want, which one you really care for. Depending on how you triple now, Alice's probably not. Of course, if it's the other one, it will show. But you can't insure both of them well enough. The arrangement was long, but back to the body. What kind of a man, I know where my heart is going.
“Of course I know, but…. Just keep it BUT !! Enough, I'm on my head and without a lifebuoy. Alice will call Alice before noon, I will not make excuses and imply that I have rushed after all. He would be angry, but now rather than with some later complication. And how could I look into Ivance's eyes tomorrow. ”I spoke back to the chair. Still, I could hear that she seemed to take a deep breath and say slowly into the silence, "I like you, boy." The voice stopped me. Was it just my smart chair? Or mum? I prefer not to turn.
Sunday is known as the day of rest. You won't believe it, but I really relaxed. Sure, with Ivanka and half a day constantly moving, but it was such a cool, but hard to describe. In the evening we caught the last subway again. Nothing happened at my home. I'm a gentleman - as Peter said on Thursday. More importantly, we explained how things look like to the two of us. Ivanka was sitting on the CHAIR for part of the evening. When she moved to the couch for a moment, I felt that the chair was sorry. But maybe she wanted me to. She's my friend.