Layla Martin: I'd like to share with you something I've never said on video before. I believe that this is a very important topic that should be discussed in detail. Something that all people around the world should talk about without feeling guilty, because it's so serious and prevalent…

I was sexually abused by my father when I was a child. It started when I was less than three years old. It happened several times. One day I remember exactly when it happened when I was seven. It was always as if shrouded in fog, darkness, and overall it was weird. It created a strong sense of disconnection in me.

When I was ten years old, I used to always scramble hard in the bathroom (trying to get out of myself something washed away) in a swimsuit. I prayed to God that I would never get my period, that I would never become a woman, that I would never have to make love. Just the sight of sex terrified me.

I got my first kiss when I was 15 when I was in Italy. When it happened, I froze and felt so empty. The next day I felt depressed and had no idea why what was happening to me. It was the same feeling that came when I had my first boyfriend, we made love for the first time.

When I first became a fella, I froze again. I could not speak. I began to shudder. I was shocked - over and over again. I kept repeating myself that I'm sorry.

He took me home and I felt so disgusting inside. And I think that was one of the hardest things that happened to me during my first sexual experience. I felt so completely disgusting and disgusting. At the same time, I felt how much I wanted to love and experience sexuality as something beautiful and wonderful. I couldn't do it.

I started smoking and drinking. I haven't had sex in about 7 years, simply because I couldn't handle my feelings. When I was 22, I decided to go to therapy because I met a boy who really loved me. He didn't want me drunk or drunk. He wished I was full of him when he looked me in the eye. I felt so bad when he wanted to contact me. I decided to go to therapy and meet people.

It was the hardest time of my life. I felt so bad. I felt so crazy and disgusting that I felt guilty. There was no one I would talk to openly about it until then, except my closest friends, a friend, and a therapist. I was deeply depressed. I felt like an emotional wreck.

It was not possible to talk about it with the boss. It was not possible to talk about it with my professors. It was absolutely deep suffering and loneliness. I felt completely alone in it.

People are saying: You have to be stronger now that you've done it, right? Maybe you chose it to make you stronger in life (like fate). Undoubtedly, anyone who has gone through sexual abuse has done a tremendous heroic feat in their life when they have done it. I'm definitely stronger from it.

There is a lot of suffering in that, and there are millions of people on this planet who have been exposed to such abuse, and the impossibility of open discussion on this subject is limiting for possible prevention and the possibility of recovery. Because recovering from sexual abuse is not a matter of a magical therapeutic session or technique. It's daily about a strong will to go into it and integrate and love (yourself) over and over again. And even if you say in our culture that you have been sexually abused, there is still too much humiliation around you.

I still feel that people will not respect me enough. They keep looking at me like I'm having lunch - that I should heal faster. He tries to box me out that I'm not sexually abused and then I'm ashamed to talk to such people on a professional level, which is crazy.

I believe that sharing this story with you will provide more space for discussion. That you will be less ashamed and that there will be more space to go through this topic. And not only will you admit that you have been sexually abused, but that we will start talking openly about what it means and what it causes feelings and what is needed for healing and inner integration, and what we, as a culture, need to prevent that something like this will happen to future generations.

So if you feel that way, write in your open comments what happened to you that you are not ashamed of. Your voice will be heard. Let's talk about it, feel it, have the experience (realization) that is happening. Let us stop that chain from happening all the time.

 Uploading ...